I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
