Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
