I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize