WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
