Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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