I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
