Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
