So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
