I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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