I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Randomize
