He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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