A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
