Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
