saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
