please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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