she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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