I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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