Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
