you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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