So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
