If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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