My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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