The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
