dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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