We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
