Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
