i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
