She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
