ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
