Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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