we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
