drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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