it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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