I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
