God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think I died a long time ago.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
