THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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