I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
