end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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