Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
