i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
