please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
