Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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