I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I know her cup size but not her name....
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