Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
