pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
