Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
