from now on my penis is your penis
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
50% drunk capacity currently
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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