Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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