Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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