The best revenge is premature balding
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize