We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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