Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
