why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
