Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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