Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
