real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
