i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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