This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
