i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
