It's like God shit irony all over that family
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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