...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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