I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
