there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
