Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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