put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
