I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
