i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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