so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
