I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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