nut hugger
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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