FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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