i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
