i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
