I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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