after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize