Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
