Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
