If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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