swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
