Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
