Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize