somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
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