He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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