You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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