I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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