Having a random hookup so left but love u
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
