Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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