No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
