So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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