this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
