When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize