I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
