clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
