Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
