I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
