Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
