i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize