I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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