How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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