Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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