i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
