I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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