it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
