I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
