Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
