Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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