I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
