We need to rekindle our bromance
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
