Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
