i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize