you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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