He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
