You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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