Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize